Bradezone

Archive for ‘Stupidity’

Monday, September 29th, 2008

High Five Angles

I have gradually realized that the act of high fiving depends heavily on the use of proper angles. If you initiate a high five, be sure to angle your hand such that the reactor is not forced to arch his wrist uncomfortably in order to avoid the undesirable scenario of an E.T.-like finger touch. Too many times in our society we carelessly induce high fives that really deserved a better effort. Both parties should hold their hands such that the tips of the fingers are as high or higher than the top of the tallest party’s head. The initiator should ensure that his hand is perpendicular to the ground or even slighly angled back towards himself. This creates an optimum slapping surface for the reactor. Ideally both parties will be at eye level with each other, as those situations involving one standing and one sitting fiver too often result in a submarginal execution.

Another factor to mind is the role of the elbow. Neither fiver wants to find himself in a situation where he is pushing his arm and hand forward. Instead a moderate swinging motion is desired whereby the forearm is allowed to move much like a catapult. Again the goal is an ideal starting angle such that the ensuing high five has a substantial chance for success. A final consideration is finger position on impact. Essentially their presence should be minimized in favor of the palms. A fluid connection with the palms should be the goal of any high five. This is why the initiator’s starting hand angle is so important. Those fingers need to be out of the way of the reactor. With a proper mindset and a strategy of preparedness, each of us can confidently engage in high fives that contribute to a celebratory atmosphere while avoiding awkwardness.

Tuesday, March 18th, 2008

Splashed

Why is it that every time I accidentally splash water, it all flies directly into my crotch area? It is perturbing. Excuse me if I want to be sanitary and wash my hands or clean a dirty dish. For some odd reason water has this pent-up angst towards me, and it never fails to make its point by giving me a wet patch right where I don’t need one. Then of course I have to be all discreet about it, or attempt to make some joke like, “Well, looks like I’m not quite ready to wear big-kid pants after all!” And no amount of “wiping down” takes care of the problem. It’s basically one of those stupid things I have to wait out. But the whole time I’m thinking, “Just you wait, water. I am so going to enjoy the next time I get to use the commode.”

Another question I’ve been pondering is the role of pineapple. For some reason pineapple has been deemed worthy of inclusion in non-sweet dishes such as pizza and stir-fry. Why does everyone just accept that as a standard reality? You might as well put strawberries or grapes in your stir-fry. Or hey, how about a scrumptious slice of blueberry pizza? Man, forget that. Just because we added Hawaii as an official “state” doesn’t mean we need to put pineapple on everything to show our acceptance. Look, there’s nothing wrong with being a key part of various cakes and ice creams. So come on, pineapple, know your role.